??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
