apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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