i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We had to coat check the pizza.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
