he wants to bone in the snuggie
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
