i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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