How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
