We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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