as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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