I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize