he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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