I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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