It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
