I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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