the condom got lost in my hair
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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