you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
