Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
