her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
