I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
