I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
