Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
