he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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