I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
