I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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