ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
