We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
