i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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