His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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