ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
