Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
