the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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