And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
