My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
