If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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