Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
