dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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