Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."

Fav 13 2189 5019
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(519): View more from Ontario

I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?

Fav 16 7078 1712
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried

Fav 2 1040 1388
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of

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(302): View more from Delaware

If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.

Fav 2 75 12
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(772): View more from Florida

I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.

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