don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
