he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
