You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
