do herpes really smell.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
