the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
whose ass print is on the piano?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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