and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
no more duck duck goose at the bar
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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