Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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