and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
