In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
