everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
