based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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