If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
love makes seman taste better
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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