Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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