just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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