the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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