And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
