can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
