when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Found your dick twin last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
