OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
