nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
