i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
