She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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