Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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