so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
