i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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