just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
false alarm. still invincible.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
