you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
