so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
