I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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