Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
MIDGETS
????
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
