that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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